my family doesn't celebrate thanksgiving. i've only had 2 thanksgiving dinner experiences, and its been with the same family. the 1st time was kind of odd, because i didnt know ANYONE except the person that took me, and it was his family.. so it was really quite ackward. the 2nd time, was actually last yr, and it was so different.. everyone knew me, and i felt completely at ease. i thought it was the 2nd of many thanksgivings more to come. as usual.. life doesn't quite turn out the way you plan it.
i really have an obsession that i must confess. im obsessed with time, especially with that i was doing at this precise time a yr ago. this is why i keep agendas or maybe "actitivy journals" so i can go back and know what was going on. last yr at this time i was in class, in a rough patch with my current boyfriend and it happened to be our 7th month anniversary. nonetheless, i was invited to thanksgiving dinner.
this year, i'm home, already graduated, not with that person anymore.. and thankful for a WHOLE lot of stuff i wasn't last year. i graduated, i've developed a better relationship with my family and myself. i'm tired to the bones, but because tomorrow i can proudly say, i've been going to the gym for 1 month now. so things are a LOT different than they were last year. last year i was obsessed with that would happen, the future.. what was to come.now im obsessed with what was, and if im doing it better.. and im glad to see and say that i am. i smile a lot more, i value things a lot more, im not as dark and twisted anymore. im starting to enjoy life and its simple minimal trivial pleasures.
i miss him sometimes.. like days like these, but i guess that's normal.. and with time will begin to fade.
most of all IM THANKFUL for my parents. my parents are kick ass! actually. i was very saddened by a conversation i had today with my best friend. she has issues with her dad, and i know that she is in the right, she has motives. although she tried to explain her reasons, i could understand, but it was *impossible* for me to accept; and that made me realize, that i will never understand. why? you may ask. i will never understand because my dad is an incredible dad, he has ALWAYS been there for me for everything, he's never bailed, he's never 'not cared'. im glad i have parents that are SO great that i just take them for granted.
and at times like these, when you become an ear to other people's issues you realize that you imperfect little world is a lot more perfect that you'd thought.
my plan for today is to go to my best friend's house, order in and watch Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice (my guilty pleasures). if it follows through, and we can do it; it will be a GREAT thanksgiving. im really thankful for my best friend as well, she's just awesome. life hasn't quite dealt her an easy hand, but she always finds a way, and there's just something about her that makes you feel at ease. i love her so much, we've been through so much together.. i really dont know what i'd do without her. she is one of the most important people in my life, and i just know that it will remain that way forever.
i hope that for tonight everyone can see the glass half full, and just have a good time with your loved ones.
6:53 pm
