make me, by being you.

i've tried to describe you before but i've never felt 100% satisfied with the words that exorcize themselves from me. sometimes i reveal to much, and sometimes i fall short on truly presenting what it is you are in the flare of my eye, what your essence engraves on my skin.. and how i will never fully understand where this need for what you are, that i can't explain, comes from.

so many of the things that made me who i am are gone.. they've weathered away with time and failed experiences, there are only vague shadows inside me where they used to live. when i am around most people there is no desire to be more than vague, no desire to be intense; no need to ignite the fire of everything that makes me what i am. the silhouette of everything that used to be is enough for me to go through one day to another. when im with you i must be me at my fullest extent, me at the power of hundreds or even thousands.

why do i feel there is more of me when you are near? you over power me, and my vagueness becomes futile, of no presence. i must add charcoal to the flame of me so it may withstand the essence of you in proximity. you make me weak, but at the same time make me stronger. you produce an aura of nerve wrecking sentiments i can't control. you make me want to say things i've sweared never to reveal, but knowing you makes me think of things before i say them. the fire's heat obliges me to spit things out as they are.. but the power of your stare makes me silent.. this is where you begin to ignore the truths of our encounters.

is it healthy for you to cross my mind no matter who im with? is it normal that for some reason i've always had the feeling that no matter who im with, if you summon me, i will come to you? is there a language i have failed to communicate myself in that could translate these obscure feelings; not obscure because of there intention, obscure for the lack of light they produce not allowing me to describe them efficiently.

the truth is that every chance i get i just wonder how it would be.. how things would happen if there were enough time in the hours to look into each other and understand everything without words. my fingers caress the palm of your hand, there are so many things i can show you but i can't say. you're the only shape i look for in the midst of a shadow.

the whys have been asked often enough when it comes to you. i have not reached an answer for any of them, i just know you are, and i am.. and this is how i feel about how we are. i've said nothing, but said so much in the measure of things unsaid.

the feeling you produce, that doesn't allow me to act easy going around you is not produced by lack of time knowing you.. its just that i wouldn't be me. and you wouldn't be you if i could be vague around you. i need you to make me be me in all there is to me. i need you to discover what makes you.. you. i've discovered you to be more gentle than most, and firmer than all; i have not yet to discover how it is you see me.. but i'm thankful you see me the way you do.. although as strange as it is to me.
g.a.b.