how much of a good thing is to much?

do we ever really know when what we are expecting isn't any match against what we are really going to receive?

Expectation:
The act of expecting.
Eager anticipation: eyes shining with expectation.
The state of being expected.
Something expected: a result that did not live up to expectations.
Prospects, especially of success or gain.
Statistics.
The expected value of a random variable.
The mean of a random variable.

As human beings we usually expect more than what we are able to be given or acheive. I have applied in my life's philosophy to always expect the very least, as to oppose dissappointment on some level or another. Sometimes i am proved completely wrong, and what is revealed to me surpasses any possibility of my highest expectations.. but to keep me grounded; the object of this award of expectation is always dethroned sooner than later.

He caught my attention in the oddest of ways. He arrived late to class, his way of carrying himself and sense of style inadvertly caught my eye. who was this person that suddenly had me wondering how late he'd be this week? to my surprise we also shared the class that followed the one he was always late to. the amount of tension caught between his stare and mine was thick enough to be cut with a knife. i found a way to always glance over my shoulder to what he was doing, laugh at his comments and find some way or another to be noticed by him. The day came where my stare was more pronounced than usual and impossibly missed by him.. he smiled.

I tried eagerly and intently in finding something in common between us, and that was his best friend. This best friend was already on my good side, so the fact that making friends would strengthen the possibility to reach him made it so much easier. In a very short time a trip presented itself as a possibility, his friend invited me to come along; and so i did with the sole purpose of getting closer to him. on some levels it worked.. but it only made things worse.. whatever doubt i might have harnessed for him had now magnified and made it impossible for me to think of anything else.

i spent the whole week waiting for the day i'd see him.. to observe how he would carry himself around me.. praying for some gesture that might let me know that i had some kind of effect on him. finally the moment presented itself.. a trip to his own estate.. the place where anything could happen.. where anything could be proved or once and for all cleared. through subtle gestures and others very blunt i received the feedback i needed to know i wasn't alone; i wasn't the only one that wondered if i had on effect on him; he wondered of his effect on yours truly.

the moment came, and something inside me made me go to him, he embraced me in a hug, and though we weren't alone at the time.. something about our proximity gave out the signal that we should be. when i opened my eyes we were. What followed exceeded any previous formulation in my own daydreaming of how things might have plotted out. he made me reach a point where i realize that sometimes your greatest expectations can fall short to what the truth may serve.

ofcourse.. this certain drunkness on expectations made me leave the side of my life philosophy and make myself expect things from him.. and it went so wrong. everytime you expect something from someone.. in a non negative way, you never get nearly as bit as you were asking for.. even if it was obvious or even implied.

he's become something truly special to me.. someone who has raised the bar for future expectation with holders. i just dont know what to do now with this new level of knowledge, compromise.. or maybe even satisfaction.