in the waiting line..

i think ever since we met i've been puzzled, never knowing what to think or do next; the mystery has extended its self for over a year now. moments of extreme proximity have also been dressed with instants of vile hostility. no matter how close i feel to achieving possession, in the intent of savoring the moment i loose it. like a rope protesting at being tugged in opposite directions, the relationship screams of confusion and distrust.

for a moon bathed moment i was ever so close, so close to something that i didn't know i would want now; if in some way i would of know that from that instant i could have prepared for now, i would of taken matters into my own hands, but the past is unchangeable. day after day, letter after letter, word after word, i've grown fonder. after i fell from the place where i had put myself for a few months, i never pictured the climb back up again.. i had seized to want something for myself. but only the memories of that moon bathed moment make me not fear falling again.

we've been dancing around it forever, but i thought i would be left to dance alone.. filling me with indecision and lethargic reactions into which step to take next. i thought i couldn't be seen with the eyes i expel amongst what i desire, i feared not being wanted in return, for only one thing i was sure was shared in common. i hoped profoundly to overcome the primal interest and for it to trascend into something deeper and meaningful.. i wanted it so. at moments i thought i had reached it, while i vested in my glory, the rug was pulled from under my feet; leaving me defenseless to face reality, with no armor.. with no sword.

i've been standing in this waiting line for so long, because its the only thing i've wanted since i decided i didn't deserve to want anymore. the only thing i think is worth trust, when i thought i had closed the door. i can't hang my coat just yet, its raining and it will be cold, but if i just knew what road to take, to open that last door.

"ifyoucouldseeitlikeiseeittherewouldbenoobjectionsordiscussions.
youwouldseetheblossomof whatwouldmakeusbothgrow." g.a.b.