everything is turning blue.

your voice has returned, but i still haven't concluded if it's welcomed. oh but i missed it so, what could i say for you to understand.. things are getting complicated again.. but it's just that i miss you, and i dont know what to do with that. should i just put it out there? and let you know how i feel, or should i box it up inside my self, and introduce it on the shelf of boxed things in the back of my head. right now everthing is turning blue, and the sun is trying to kill the moon, and although i wish i could follow you, and be free.. i can't, because it won't make me free, it will make me a slave of things i can't learn to let go.

** i think that maybe you came to soon, in my search of someone to witness my life.

i guess you arrived because i needed you to, and you saw the things that i need someone to see, for my own sake.. for my own sanity. and the weight of it finally got to us, and made us drown in the redness of feelings and longings. but the bottom line is that i really wasn't what you needed, and no version of me ever will, maybe im nothing so good.. just bones and flesh that came to life for a few months. for the violence that haunts me will drown me in timeless days. and i wish i could go back and forever lay in your warm embrace, where i felt safe from the constant peril of lies and wandering eyes. between darkness and light, where your words used to bleach my insides.

i was broken from the start, you taped me up for some time.. but i break in two once again.. and no breath of life will be able to do it this time. i'll build me up again.. i'll fix me once and for all. and each piece of me falls from where it used to be put in place, held in tight. you saw me when no one did.**