change is not your friend.

changing kinda sorta sucks, i've always said so myself, but there are always a few ppl that give the same lame excuse (how changing is part of life and blah blah blah..) which i know by heart already. well, the people who know me have experienced my endless battle with change, and if it has ever occured, it was because its treacherous and sneaked up on me.

well the truth is i have a tini tiny problem with moving on, it seems to be quite difficult for me; but this time i outdid myself in the magnitude of what i must forget; making it ever harder to do so. and i seem to be stuck, on the same idea i've been on since thursday.. cut your losses here, and just forgetting everything that makes you regress to the cycle that you're on now. how can so many of my choices gone wrong at the same time.. how can everything begin to sincronize against me? im being attacked by my own past decisiones, by my own feelings, and my will power has decided to be absent for the ride. i know we come to life alone, and alone we'll leave, but geeeez everyone didnt have to take it so seriously.. maybe a hand to hold is all i need to get through this; but then a dilema may occur:

** the helping hand that i could receive to get through these series of unfortunate crappy days could make me forget the hand that got me into this mess. BUT what if my savior hand decides to go on a trip? will i remember the original crappy day provoking hand in the absence of the savior one? hmmm.. interesting.

if there were just something really big for me to ingest, as if to try and fill the extent of the hollowness within me, that mocks me in the moments before i accomplish sleep. that rears its ugly head everytime my brain isnt boggled by some innovation of a trivial nothing that must be resolved ipsofacto. a moment of calmness and tranquility will prevail, begging not to be chased away by a tarnished memory or a longing for something unknown and missing.

oh damn the days that fall on me, making me feel that i know not my place, that i tumbleweed through our 24 hour dance. how many of them must i sit out, or just take a break from all these blissfully ignorant dancers that don't notice its the same tune. should i expect the same fate?