the truth is that anywhere i go, i find myself looking over my shoulder for you.. i fear a casual encounter, but i long for it at the same time. i wonder what we'll do, how we'll react.. i fear my heart will skip a beat.
and it's always when the day breaks.. when the clock begins to count the first a.m. hours of the day that i catch it.. the subtle, sweet, intoxicating tattoo of your smell on my skin.
unrecognize*unlearn
i haven't really written anything in a good long while.. but i think i just might start again. i'm a different *me* now.. that feels a bit bewildered at the *old me* and the posts that person used to make.. or maybe i'm just fooling myself. i'll have to just post and see..
december 23rd
today is december 23rd and i've been thinking about you since yesterday. so much has happened in these last few days, so many things i would of liked to share with you.
i would of liked to see the look on your face, when i told you that your granddaughter was an engineer.. or make pictures in my mind of what it would feel like on graduation day, to know that you were sitting in the audience feeling proud of me.
i blocked this day out last year, and jumped from 22nd to 24th of december, but this year i cant. and i miss you.. just knowing that you're there, that you exist. and i just realized right now why i chose the career i chose, and why i like the things that i like.. because of you.
ever since i was little i admired how you could find the sense in everything, and make anything and everything work. how you could build anything. and i wanted to be just like you. i wanted to draw amazing plants, know how to design tools.. and most importantly, i've always worked to be someone that others look up to and respect; and that's what you were to me.
so many things that i've learned in books, that i would pay any price to practice with you.. and cant. i miss you more than i know, because at any random moment i'll think of you, and not be able to hold back everything that it makes me feel.. like right now.
i remember how your house would be filled with people on your big birthday parties, how everyone attended, no one ever missed it. you were always surrounded by hundreds of people that feel love, admiration and warmth towards you.
now i know that i always wanted to be just like you, im on the right track for some things.. but what i would give for your pats on the back, and with no words assuring me that what i am doing is right.
i would of liked to see the look on your face, when i told you that your granddaughter was an engineer.. or make pictures in my mind of what it would feel like on graduation day, to know that you were sitting in the audience feeling proud of me.
i blocked this day out last year, and jumped from 22nd to 24th of december, but this year i cant. and i miss you.. just knowing that you're there, that you exist. and i just realized right now why i chose the career i chose, and why i like the things that i like.. because of you.
ever since i was little i admired how you could find the sense in everything, and make anything and everything work. how you could build anything. and i wanted to be just like you. i wanted to draw amazing plants, know how to design tools.. and most importantly, i've always worked to be someone that others look up to and respect; and that's what you were to me.
so many things that i've learned in books, that i would pay any price to practice with you.. and cant. i miss you more than i know, because at any random moment i'll think of you, and not be able to hold back everything that it makes me feel.. like right now.
i remember how your house would be filled with people on your big birthday parties, how everyone attended, no one ever missed it. you were always surrounded by hundreds of people that feel love, admiration and warmth towards you.
now i know that i always wanted to be just like you, im on the right track for some things.. but what i would give for your pats on the back, and with no words assuring me that what i am doing is right.
i realize.
i realized how much i love you when i learned that i would never make you do something just because i wanted you to. i realized i love you when i saw that in my options wasn't moving on. i realized how much i love you when everything that happens isn't as interesting if i can't share it with you. i realize how much i love you when i think that no holiday will be as special if i don't share it with you. i realize how much i love you when i miss the way you talk, breathe, laugh, think, sleep, look, smell, feel, a r e.
newskin
newskin
does time have mercy?
its only been about 12 hours and i already feel im going crazy, because i miss you.. and the fact that i know that i wont know from you as soon as right now, makes me miss you even more. i've been pretending to be strong, pretending to be ok but im not.. i miss you and im scared. im scared of time, its become my enemy.. we've parted ways and i dont know what to do now.. cuz its multiplied under my nose, and i know it will keep gaining up on me until it chokes me down.
can't i just go to sleep until forever? forever being what seems to me, the period of time that i will be away from you.
if i would of known it was going to be the last time i'd see you, i would of looked at you harder. if i would of known it was going to be the last time i'd touch you, i would of grabbed on tighter.. if i would of known it was going to be the last time i'd kiss you, i would of memorized every detail.. and if i would of known it was going to be my last chance, i would of told you that i love you, my forehead against yours, my heart beating fast and eyes closed, cuz i was baring out my soul.
and i guess it will be until that moment in time..
newskin.
can't i just go to sleep until forever? forever being what seems to me, the period of time that i will be away from you.
if i would of known it was going to be the last time i'd see you, i would of looked at you harder. if i would of known it was going to be the last time i'd touch you, i would of grabbed on tighter.. if i would of known it was going to be the last time i'd kiss you, i would of memorized every detail.. and if i would of known it was going to be my last chance, i would of told you that i love you, my forehead against yours, my heart beating fast and eyes closed, cuz i was baring out my soul.
and i guess it will be until that moment in time..
newskin.
..
y si t digo q aveces me desconozco.. pq no se a donde fue aquella persona que pretendia pasear sola por la vida sin una mano amiga q la sostuviera. y si te digo q ahora ni quiero caminar por mis propios pies, pq me siento q vuelo si caminas a mi lado
